Hello my wonderful readers! It has been about two and a half months since my last post, and I apologize! Life gets carried away, and mine is about to take a major turn on my pathway to life.
This post is going to be difficult for both me emotionally, but also for my friends and family to read. But it will help you all know my life a little better, as most all of you are aware of my family situation.
Most of my friends in Humboldt have been told of my recent decision to transfer out of Humboldt, and I know it wasn’t easy. I have made the decision to transfer out of Humboldt and move to Chico, CA. I have not been accepted into Chico State University yet, however, about 3 weeks ago I found out I was allowed to send a letter of petition to the admissions office to apply for Fall 2016 admissions. On Tuesday, April 19, I was informed of my acceptance to apply for fall admissions. So as of now, it is a waiting game on what my school plans are for the fall. However, I am still planning on moving there either this summer or early August.
Being at Humboldt this past year has had its many ups and downs, but the biggest down of all has been being so far away from home and from my family. In the past few years, but especially the past year, I have become much closer emotionally to my family than ever, however have physically stayed 7 hours away from them. And due to circumstances, I have had to take that into account for my health issues. I have also been living in a very different environment, I live with a single roommate in Eureka, which is outside the college town, and it is a city where they have a lot of crime. On a daily, I hear of home break-ins, shootings, stabbings, drug problems and even found explosive devices. This is the complete opposite of what I grew up with. To not feel safe in my own apartment definitely added on to my health problems.
In August 2015, my doctor diagnosed me with mild depression and anxiety, and I have been doing everything I can to help that, from pill medications to non-prescribed “medications”. However, the distance from my family has really taken over and taken a toll on my education and success in college. My depression has continued to get worse over the past few months, causing me to feel alone, unmotivated, and kept me from going to class. I have overslept, causing me to feel even worse on some days. I wake up, and choose to ignore the fact I am awake and ready to go to school and decide to stay in bed, try to sleep more and not get out of bed. This motivation lack has also affected how I have been eating. I am one who loves to cook, and when I grocery shop, I am one who buys lots of veggies, white meats and low breads. So when I cook, I feel great, but I haven’t been encouraged to cook, so I eat out a lot or make poor choices in eating. This has caused me to gain 15 pounds in the past 8 or 9 months, and has made me feel worse and worse about myself.
I love Humboldt and I love the journalism department, but I am beginning to feel very out of place. About a month ago, my family invited me to come to Chico to celebrate my baby sister’s 18th birthday, and of course I had to go. While we were there, my sister wanted to check out Chico State’s campus and I had to tag along because I love their campus. I had toured their farm and agriculture program in high school and absolutely loved it. As I walked around the campus and even in the town of Chico, I felt at peace, secure and most of all I felt happy. I had family with me and I was in a town I had grown up visiting and making wonderful memories. I was smiling, I was wanting to do things, and although my anxiety was still there, I knew it would get better soon if I stayed there for good.
At the end of the weekend, I had to say see you later to so many people I love, and that’s when I realized something: I did not want to go back to Humboldt. I would call my parents multiple times a week, just to hear their voices, just to see how they’re doing, and just to say hi and “I love you”. There were many calls this semester where I would tell my parents I am “okay” and how rough of a week I had, there were even many calls of crying. I was sleeping in through classes, not doing anything all day, staying curled up in blankets and just feeling dead.
Through all of this, I have made the final decision to move out of Humboldt and closer to home, and I chose Chico. My family in Chico has offered their home to me for temporary stay if needed, and it has made me realize the support I have there. Plus I am only 2 hours from home, but also I am only 4 hours from Humboldt, because I never want to stay away forever. I have some great friends here that I am so sad to leave, but becoming an adult has made me realize that sometimes you have to make changes to stay happy and succeed. I want to do good in school, I want to earn my degree in public relations, I want to be a journalist, and I want my dream job, and Humboldt unfortunately was not giving it to me.
Thank you to all my family and friends who have supported me in making this very difficult decision and having faith in this changing my life for the better. I am very excited for this new adventure and look forward to building a new, happier and healthier lifestyle for myself.
To anyone dealing with anxiety and depression problems, please know you are never alone. Talk to someone, especially someone who is struggling with the same. They are always the best ones who will understand. You are loved, you are strong, and you will get through this.
Cannot wait to be closer to all these wonderful people I call family!